One of my many favorites
A little change in hair style was in much need.
This wonderful song always has it’s way to take me to an old memory of me in my younger days back when i was a little shit, 9 or 12 years old. Now this memory isn’t like something dramatic or anything of that nature, it’s just a beautiful memory that i hope to never lose. So it goes like this. Mi ama and i lived in a small ass apartment singlebed room in the “ghetto” so ppl say, i just never seen it that way. Yes shit went down ppl getting shot, killed, murders, suicides, you named it it happened. So yeah maybe it was “ghetto” but for me it was more, it was home, i grew up not having much Familia. Hell no family perro the ppl in the apartments became that missing piece that i didn’t have. You can now see, although crazy shit happened around me i had mi familia i felt at home. Well in my memory i remeber watching my favorite movie of all time to this day it’s still my favorite movie, Mi Familia(my family) now i remember watching it and my role model had became Chucho “the baddest pachuco of all East Los” well the scene was playing when he was ironing Jimmy’s pants for the wedding. I wanted to be Chucho so bad as a kid. He was cool, a pachuco, cholo, fucking danced MAMBO, Classic Chevy driving bad ass. At this point now I’m also ironning my black dickies with the finnest crease you can imagen, pulled out the flano tambien cause shit you gotta keep everything sharp. As I’m ironing and just stock on my movie and making sure to not burn my clothes, mi ama is in the bedroom. She comes out the room and i swear i can just feel her glow of just pure happiness, i look at her and she just smiles and walks into the kitchen/livingroom and starts dinner. And thats it.
Like i said its not a dramatic story, but its part of mi historia, un recuerdo hermoso, un dia quevi a mi ama happy. I love you ma.
Thanks for reading folks. Hope yall listed to this song as well.
I was slightly drunk. I dont think he was very happy with me at this moment
“Of course I’ll hurt you. Of course you’ll hurt me. Of course we will hurt each other. But this is the very condition of existence. To become spring, means accepting the risk of winter. To become presence, means accepting the risk of absence.”
— The Little Prince
(via goodreadss)
It feels so good to create. I’ve missed the artsy side of me. I been wanting to get back into art, graffiti, painting, just something for awhile now. Good thing i came to visit the folks. I miss creating with beads.
It has taken me a really long time to finish this piece. I’m finally done
I would turn down the drums a LITTLE bit, but this song goooooo :)
Find love in me…
xulaxicana
(some ramblings but I’m trying to process this and explain my perspective)
So I was in middle school in the 90s….
The time that people are now emulating
And I admire the chola aesthetic….
but going to those 90s hood inspired events reminded me why I don’t and will never dress like a chola…
I saw all these girls dressed in the 90s chola style and all of the sudden I was transported back to my brace face self in middle school
I was a nerd. And by that I mean, I was like reading dr. Doolittle books by myself in the library sometimes
And it was the cholitas that would tell me I wasn’t Mexican because I did not dress like them. It was the cholitas that were mean to me for being a nerd. But on the other hand, I defended them when white students would say they were “chuntis” and “beaners” and I just felt like such a confused in between person…. that 90s aesthetic that is so cool right now reminds me of the time that our identities were ridged… a time that wearing hoops and dark lipstick was seen as the ONLY way to be Mexicana/chicana….. and if you weren’t that, you weren’t Mexicana, you were a “white girl”. It didn’t matter that I watched “Preciosa” and “Soñadoras” novelas or that I wore Beaded jewelry or that I spent summers in Mexico with my family…. I was a nerd and so that made me a “white girl”.
The thing is, there’s no one way to be a chicana. And as I’ve said before I’m down for all types of chicanas for chicanxs, for xicanas, for xicanx skaters, punks, rockabillies… city chicanas, small town xicanas, artist chicanas, athlete chicanas, queer xicanxs, multiracial xicanas and of course nerd xicanas.
And so I’ll never dress like a chola most importantly because I’m not one.
